September 09, 2003

God's will (Pt. 4)

I mentioned earlier that my new understanding of God's will has radically altered my concept of personal Christlikeness, and the transformation has been absorbing me of late. Today I was finally able to state the truth in concrete terms; the first draft goes something like this:
God cares far less about where I am and what I'm doing than He does about who I am and who I'm becoming.
For so long I have found great comfort in being in "the center of God's will," in other words, being where He's called me to be and doing what He's called me to do. Even when my growth in Christlikeness has been stifled or in decline, I've felt justified through the temporal choices I've made: to abandon a promising career for the ministry, to enter the pastorate without seminary training (what great faith!), to take a pastorate nobody else wanted in a place few would even consider going (how devoted!). Because I felt these choices were in line with "God's-will-for-my-life," I came to see my making them as righteousness, even though my deeper life, my eternal life beyond this temporal existence, was often far from right.

Even as I re-evaluate my "callings" in light of my new understanding, I'm immediately aware of the hypocrisy the old understanding cultivated in me. If it's really true that "there are no wrong decisions inside God's moral will" and that, "if you live within the 'walls' of God's moral will, the rest is up to you," as Dr. MacDonald teaches, then I can no longer hide my inner filthiness behind the veil of "doing what I'm supposed to be doing." My growth in Christlikeness becomes paramount...as it should be.

This is already having a deep impact on my life. Theology should be transformative, shouldn't it?

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