November 18, 2003

Epiphany, courtesy John Williams

I'm alone in my office today and the restlessness and depression and discontent I've been feeling for three or four days are finally getting far enough from my lens that I can see them for what they are.

iTunes has "The Theme from Jurassic Park" on endless repeat, and the contrast of the mournful french horn solo with the lofty, risk-laden refrain broods over me, asking me if I "get it..." I've never raised my hands to the Lord in worship to a movie soundtrack before...but the clarity and the grandeur and the pain all come together in that contrast and it becomes Truth and God is here confronting me and comforting me all at the same time.

The greatest tragedy the world will ever know is the Man cut down before His time, before His potential reaches its fullness and blossoms into God-honoring glory. But the Man comes back...

Lord, I've sacrificed so much time and energy and potential on the altars of The Moment and The Me. But you've created me with a failsafe, an emergency switch that prevents me from straying too far from Our Eternal Purpose. It makes me dream God-dreams and keeps me from finding contentment in anything less.

The source of my depression unveiled...I have seen the enemy, and it is me. My inner Gollum has taken over and led me into darknessssssss with promises of light and relief and escape. Something in me is on the brink of death.

But there is hope in the darkness. The Man comes back. And so the man comes back as well. Embrace the greatness for which you were created; don't tarry to fulfull your destiny. Angel choirs provide the soundtrack and the endless halls of stone fall away around you and all is light and life and strength returns and joy will soon follow.

O the sacredness of Life,
The holiness of Potential,
The divine-ness of Destiny.
The Heir will not be denied
That for which the Firstborn has striven.
It shall be his
And none shall take it from him,
Not even he himself.

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